What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
