i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
