I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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