I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
