She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Panties = found
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
