Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
