she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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