I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
