Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
