Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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