mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
