Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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