he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
