Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
