I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they need to just BURY HIM!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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