He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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