I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
