Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
