my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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