I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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