just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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