wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
