i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
