Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
