Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
