dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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