he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize