Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
