proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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