So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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