I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Say something about gay babies.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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