i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
