But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
