we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
