You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
