Duck Duck Cougar?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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