I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
