New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
