Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
