apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
