would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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