Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
