its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize