My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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