; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
