No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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