whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize