I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
