when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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