If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
