can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
