I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
