I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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