you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
