OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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