It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
