mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
