god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
