i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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