In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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