1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I died a long time ago.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I love you. Go after that dick
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