Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
