I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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