he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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