I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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