Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
