Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize