I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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