Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
