I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
